BATON ROUGE, LA - In a breakthrough study that contradicts decades of understanding about the nature of alligator-drunkard relations, LSU researchers have concluded that people's drunkenness does not impair the ancient reptiles' ability to inflict enormous physical harm.
"Our data strongly indicates that human intoxication does not transform an alligator into a docile creature that enjoys wrestling," said professor Ryder McCrory of LSU.
"Despite its slow-witted demeanor and tendency to bask motionlessly in the hot sun, it's a mistake to believe that an alligator will passively tolerate a half nelson, no matter how much Southern Comfort is fueling it."
In field experiments, members of the control group performed no better - and often far worse - than their sober counterparts in defending themselves against a 300 pound, seven-foot bull alligator. Even when armed with an empty tequila bottle.
"At best, the bottles bounced harmlessly off the alligator's snout," said LSU research assistant Tracy Sawyer.
In addition, the alligators far outperformed their inebriated human counterparts in the following areas: lunging, biting, crushing, dismembering, and swallowing.
2 comments:
Ryan...I hope you posted this.
Haha- had to of been! Hilarious!
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